Weary Pilgrims Finding Rest

This photo is a most excellent representation of how the Davidson clan is currently feeling—as if we just completed an arduous journey along the Oregon Trail that seemed like it would never end—and we are SO over it. All 7 of us, right down to little Evangeline, are burned out. And, all 7 of us, right down to Evangeline, are out of sorts. As an effort to work through my own burn out, I have decided to chronicle this aspect of our journey. I have had very little time to reflect over the last few months, but in the brief intervals where I have been able to string two thoughts together before being interrupted by one of my adoring children, I have realized that a very significant part of our journey occurred as we packed up and moved from Minnesota. Sure, we haven’t yet crossed the ocean to live in a foreign land, but in leaving MN, we had to cross the hurdles of leaving behind our worldly security (you know, such as a great job and a beautiful home), parting with possessions that were difficult to let go, and our children had to say goodbye their friends. In multiple ways, the move from MN will actually be more difficult than our ultimate voyage to Cambodia. With all of that weighing on my heart and mind, I needed to sit down and process. Hence, we have this blog. (I’m one of those apparently old-fashioned people who finds that writing is a better way to flesh out my thoughts than posting a Tiktok. 😉) Plus, we are overdue for an online update, so let’s get started!

The packing

Oh, the packing. I was so thankful for everyone who commiserated with me over the general awfulness of packing. There is a fairly unanimous consensus that moving is a completely miserable process. The sympathy I received helped me feel less alone when I was drowning in an endless ocean of “stuff” that needed to be sorted and packed. Nic and I started the sorting process FOUR months before our move and we still didn’t have enough time. I would sit down with a bin and begin sorting it into piles: saving, set aside for Cambodia, trash, donations, and online sales. Not only was it painfully difficult to decide what to do with many items, but I continually came across things that didn’t even fit into one of these categories! I am not ashamed to admit that on more than one occasion I was crying within 15 minutes of starting, because I was overwhelmed! 🙄 Then I’d stop and call home for a bit. (Thanks mom and dad. 😊)

The disruption

So, there was the typical oppressing and never-ending aspect of packing. However, there was another trial that moving caused over our last few months in International Falls. Due to the need to spend every waking moment outside of work on packing, our time with our children was completely disrupted. I constantly had to send Evangeline out of the room, because she always wanted to “help” by completely mixing up the piles I was meticulously setting up. My energetic little boys were repeatedly disappointed when Nic and I had to decline playing outside with them “because we had to pack”. By the last two weeks, my heart broke a little more each time I sent them away. My preteen and teen? They were content in the solitude that kids their age love to retreat into, but Nic and I had no time to pull them out of it. This disruption of our family life occurred right as each of us began to experience the completely normal emotional upset that is caused by moving.

The timing

The timing was simply terrible. As our older children faced leaving behind their school and friends, our younger kids faced the uneasiness of seeing their toys and furniture disappear piece by piece as each article was packed away. The poor things asked more than once if we would have any toys or beds in Cambodia. Of course we reassured them, but only briefly before rushing off to our next task. And don’t even get me started on the irritability levels in our house, which were understandably through the roof! Each of these difficulties took their toll, which is why we felt like this by the time we set out from Minnesota: 

One of the most difficult consequences for me was that the burn out and stress overshadowed my joy and anticipation of embarking upon God’s call for our lives. This was more than a little distressing, because it allowed fear and worry to set in. However, thanks be to God, He has accounted for all of this and is providing for all our needs.

The consolation

It was late on a Saturday evening when I had the desire to sit down and write this. The very next morning at Mass, the Lord pointed out to me how He had ordained our timing. Immediately my spirit lightened and I breathed a deep sigh of relief. He helped me to see that we have now already put the most grueling and emotionally-draining part of our overseas moving process behind us! The stress of packing, as well as the pain of leaving behind some of our favorite things (to name a few: espresso maker, Kitchen Aid, my adorable yellow bicycle), is over. We can already begin to put that experience behind us and look forward to all the blessings God has in store for our family in Cambodia. Not only that, but we have graciously been given 3 months to recuperate and focus on our family before we make the ultimate leap to our mission. Just imagine if we had to make our transition to Cambodia directly from the turmoil of packing, moving, and grieving (and feeling like exhausted pioneers). The Davidson 7 would be a group of unhappy campers with a dismal outlook as we embarked on this new life God has called us to. Instead, He has given us time to regroup and refocus. It has now been 2 weeks since we drove away from our life in Minnesota. These short weeks of summertime fun with my parents and extended family already have us feeling more like ourselves. To be sure, we are still working through a teensy tiny list of things: burn-out, exhaustion, missing the friends and belongings we left behind, irritability, and the clinginess of our little ones (well, I actually like that one most of the time 😊). However, I now have peace, knowing that we have time to heal and time for our passion to be renewed. When we head to Cambodia in 3 months, this family will be setting off with the combined fervor and optimism of The Swiss Family Robinson and the Ingalls on their way to Walnut Grove!

When I sat down to write out these thoughts, the Lord brought this verse to mind. I have returned to it multiple times over the last 2 weeks and each time I rest a little more in the assurance it gives.

I pray this promise from scripture blesses you as well.